Halloween.

Tonights my breaking point.
I was going to tell you everything tonight, every thing about how I felt, how I can't let go, how I can't stand holding all these feelings back. Tonight was the night that I thought was going to be amazing but turned out complete opposite.

You've been on the phone with the girl you like for the past hour. You've been ignoring me ever since you started talking to her tonight. I sat there next to you holding in to many screams letting out silent tears.

I can't take this any more. I have to move on. It hurts so much trying to make you realize that I love you. It hurts more than I can explain. How can you not see it. How can you not realize that I am fucking crazy about you. How can you not realize how good I've been to you.

What I thought was going to be a night about me and you sharing something turned out to be a night of you down stairs talking to her and me sitting in my room crying silently watching my heart fall to the ground.

Tonight is the night I might consider moving on.
Tonight is the night I want to give up.
But I don't think I can, no matter how much it hurts.

How can you say that you don't remember, that you don't care?
How can you say it didn't matter?

How can you say that with a smile on your face?
How the hell could you tell me to my face that our relationship didn't mean anything,
that you barely remember it?

Well guess what, our relationship was the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I find it unbelievable that you don't give two shits if it happened or not. That hurt me so much. I'm hurting more then ever tonight and I wish it would just stop but the fact that you said it wasn't important tore me apart so deep, so hard, I can't force out a smile this time.

How can you not see or notice my feelings for you?
How can you constantly talk about those things that hurt me?
Do you know that they hurt me?
Would you stop if you did?
How can you not realize that you want this to,
that you still have feelings,
that you want this as much as I do?
How can you not see the feelings that are right in front of you?

I hope you remember a little part of tonight. I hope you remember kissing me on my check every time you thought you hurt me, I hope you remember putting your arm around me and walking side by side, I hope you remember the way I looked at you as you sat their enjoying your life, but most of all, I hope you remember sitting in my room, lying on my bed, with me lying on top of you holding you tight. And even though you were under the influence, I really do think that deep down you meant it when you said "I think you should stop because I might start getting feelings....".

That made my heart beat so fast and even though it was most likely the alcohol talking, just the fact that you said that, the fact that you might still be able to get feelings back for me gave me all the hope I needed to never stop trying.

just stay.

I don't have the strength to let you go. You are everything to me and more, my other half, my best friend, my hero, my strength, my happiness, my heart, my oxygen. You're the boy I will always love. I have no idea what I would do with out you. I will never let go.

that girl.

You've been my best friend for over 4 years and with in those 4 years I know I wouldn't have smiled that much if you weren't in them. You're like a sister to me and I never, NEVER, want us to grow apart. You mean everything to me. I love you best friend.

only he can make that happen.

When you we're laying on my tummy listening to the sounds it was making, I hope you heard my heart and how fast it was beating.

it may hurt loving you but it's so worth it.

Sometimes it's hard hearing some of the things you tell me but the fact that you feel conferable enough to tell me these things means so much. Sometimes when I think about you my eyes start to tear up but the fact that what I'm thinking about is the memory of our first kiss makes me so grateful to have shared that moment with you. Sometimes the regret of losing you hurts so deep that I start to cry inside and out but the fact that I once had you means the world.

But now, sometimes doesn't matter because the fact that I realized tonight I don't have to be your girl friend to get that amazing feeling in my heart, changes everything.

I love you more than you can understand.
I will always stay right by your side, no matter what situation, no matter how much it hurts,
because at the end of the day, the hurt is worth loving you.